Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
  A: They take the psycho path.

In Maine, in order to save energy, there are several lighthouses that are closed at night.

Medical daffynitions:

• Benign: What you be after you be eight.
• Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria.
• Barium: What doctors do when patients die.
• Catscan: Searching for kitty.
• Dilate: To live long.
• Enema: Not a friend.
• Fester: Quicker than someone else.
• Fibula: A small lie.
• Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates.
• Rectum: Damn near killed him.
• Tablet: A small table.

In Los Angeles, there's a hotline for people in denial. So far no one has called.

Do movie directors have credits at the end of their dreams?

Always remember, you are unique. Just like everyone else!

Never test the depth of the water with both feet . . .

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Zen Moments: Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.